“My husband is not like others’ husband. Always says “I Love You”. My husband is not romantic. Holding my hands also he does not! My husband never helps me in doing house chores. Sometimes my husband did not remember our important date! Gift also never gave, too. My husband always goes outstation and has no time for me and also my child.”
“My wife is too pampered. It is so difficult to me to take care of her heart. My wife always want to hold, want to touch, have to say “I Love You” frequently. My wife always asked for help in completing the house chores and doing it together. My wife always hopes to receive gift/ present. Then, my wife also asked me to stay with her along the time at home. How could I do that! Sometimes, I did not understand my wife!”
In love relationship, when two hearts have decided to live together and take the responsibility as husband and wife, they have to ensure to remain forever and live happily ever after.
There are two scenarios above are frequent being issues in husband and wife relationship. What are actually the causes?? It is because each individual has their own love language and there are different between each of them. Spouses definitely need love language in their relationship. Love languages also practically when we are being together with children. Other than that, we also need the love languages when we are mingle together with family members and in laws.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages ??within every human being. It is the way how people express their feeling and emotion towards others, and whenever it was applied to their spouses and they feel the same, it means an appreciation of love is there. However, we should know better our own love language first which determine ourselves. In fact, each individual are actually have these five love languages, but sometimes they do not know which one the most suits with them.
The first love language is ‘Word of Affirmation’ which means an appreciation or praise words which are saying by your spouse or anyone who close to you. For example, “I love you”, “You are so pretty through my eyes”, “You look great today!” Etc. These are the words which an individual who has this type of love language often said to their loved ones. However, it is does not mean that person is only need the praise words along the time, but those words of affirmation will make their day alive when applied. The words may sounds nothing for someone who is not in this type of love language, but it will become a valuable words by individual in this type of love language such as someone who is in love.
The second love language is ‘Quality Time’. Individuals in this type of love language require 100% of your attention and focus especially when being together. No multitasking for them! They will not ask for anything else except quality time to be with them. For example, you love playing football, then your spouse is willing to accompany you, fulfilling time together and it makes you really happy. So, this is how this love language has practiced. Another example is after you come back home from work, you and your spouse spend time together while watching television and start chatting and keep talking among each other. Therefore, it is important to know our spouses’ love language in order to avoid crisis in marriage, only because of not understand their love language.
The third love language is ‘Receiving Gift’, which is someone receiving a present/ gift or something considered valuable by their loved ones and they feel appreciated. Most people who are in this type of love language are not actually too materialistic, but this is their love language in order to show their love. By receiving present/ gift from loved ones, that person will feel very happy even though the present is not the expensive and branded one. For example, if your friend gave you a few pieces of candy/ sweets as a gift, it shows that your friends love you by showing their love language through giving gift. If your love language is also in this type, then you will feel happy, too and may smile along the day because of being appreciated by your friend.
The fourth love language is the ‘Act of Service’, which is express their love by giving hand to help house chores, house work and personal affairs etc. Did you ever feel very happy, appreciated and love when someone help you in doing/ completing your house chores tasks such as iron your clothes, cook for you, throw the rubbish into the dustbin, help you to pay the bill, or someone was offer to be your private driver? Furthermore, it will make you happy a lot when your loved ones saying the romantic word while helping such as “Dear, let me do that for you”. Individuals who have this type of love language might not romantic as most couples, but they had show their naturally love among each other by offering act of service towards their spouse. For example, a husband saw the dishes piled in the sink while the wife had not yet finished eating, so the husband offered to wash those dishes without say anything and finally do the job perfectly till finished. That is actually Love! Spouses who are easy to love, easy to enjoy life moment, and give fully commitment to take the responsibility together towards each other are actually if small help given in completing house shores tasks has been appreciated by their spouses indirectly.
The fifth love language is “physical touch”, which not means sexually touch only, but focus more on passionately touching and bonding. Examples of physical acts are an intentionally hug for a few seconds and couples holding hands emotionally. For example, you feel happy and touched if someone you love were hug you with passion, land your shoulder or kiss you when dating together, so you were specifically have this type of love language which shows love by physical touch, either in husband and wife relationship, or couple relationship, and same gender friends. Research has mention that physical touch towards someone you loved will give positive charge of electron and re-balances the energy to humans. It is like a practice, which is must do repeatedly by that spouses and finally it will be spontaneous action. An understanding of love languages which is suits to us will decrease crisis in marriage generally.
As a conclusion, love language may look ridiculous and not practical. However, in reality, knowledge about Love Language is needed in order to increase the level of happiness in each relationship. It is because love languages that you practice appropriately towards spouse and someone who you loved, it will give you a peaceful mind and new spirit in order to get a meaningful of any relationship life. Indeed, the love languages will help you learned more about your spouse and if it has understood fully, it will make people encourage to response positively everyday and every time.
“NO REASON IN LOVE RATHER THAN ACCEPTING AND ACCEPT”
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- Oxford Dictionary 2013
|Last Reviewed||:||5 Januari 2017|
|Writer / Translator||:||Nurul Hidayah binti Mat Sarip|
|Accreditor||:||Pn. Ruhana binti Mahmud|