- Frustrated with your parents?
- Had enough of your mum yelling, nagging, ordering you around?
- Well, not all parents have the skill to cope with their growing teens. That’s a fact!
- Building relationship between parents and their teen is indeed a challenge.
- But it can be FUN!
- It needs mutual effort from both parties.
- Yes, you and your parents CAN change the situation; you just need some adjustment, patience, knowledge and skills.+
Tips for Teens
How can I build relationship with my parents?
- Love and appreciate your parents
- Be thankful you have a parent/ parents. Some teenagers have none
- Understand your parents’ responsibility and hardship in supporting the family (they provide you food, education and shelter)
- Make life easier for your parents, help out in household chores (washing dishes, keep bedroom and house clean, take care of younger siblings, watering plants, bring out the garbage etc)
- Spend quality time with your parents (travelling, picnic, watching movies, doing chores together etc)
- Share common interest with your parents (cooking, shopping, reading, gardening, sporting activities etc)
- Listen and show respect to your parents
- When your parents nag or you disagree with your parents, stay calm and listen
- Find appropriate situation to express your feelings and discuss your issues/ concerns
- Don’t answer back when parents are mad at you, (that will only make things worse), tell them “ok mum/ dad, I understand” or “I’m sorry…” if you made a mistake
- Learn to communicate effectively
- Talk, share and discuss issues with your parents openly and honestly
- Be good and responsible, avoid risky behaviours such as smoking cigarrete, drinking alcohol and taking drugs.
- Improve your knowledge, communication and life skills
- Strive to excel in your study and make your parents happy
Tips for parents
How can i build relationship with my teen?
- Love your teen unconditionally for who they are. Tell your teen that you love him/ her.
- Do not put too high expectation and stress them up.
- Understand your teens’ growth and developmental changes.
- Be aware and understand their growing needs as an individual. Your teen needs space and independency.
- Enjoy their antics and don’t get stressed-up unnecessarily.
- Teenagers may be big physically but their minds are immature and still growing.
- Appreciate your teen and show them your appreciation. Tell them that you appreciate them.
- Teen may be impulsive, reactive, take risk and emotionally labile. That’s normal and part of growing up.
- Listen and think before you act. When you are angry, try to remain calm. Teenager role-modeled their parents’ behaviors.
- If you want them to be well-behaved, be kind, calm and show good example of how you want them to behave.
- Make time to connect, know their friends, ask about school, hobbies, activities, concerns etc.
- Give teen space and respect their privacy.
- Do not compare them with others, or to other siblings.
- Ensure their intellectual, physical, emotional, social, spiritual needs are met
- Set rules, be firm and consistent in disciplining. Do not be harsh or abusive. Meant what you say and say what you mean.
- Always inspire them with success stories, positive values, statements and encouragement (‘perception is projection’, The Law of Attraction)
- LISTEN, and apologize whenever you make mistake.
- Give them responsibility, respect their right to think, choose and act.
- When you’re angry with your teen, hold on! Calm yourself down, think of how you can respond in a better way, so you can have a positive outcome. Choose your battle field, this will teach your teen to not be reactive and to calm down too.
- Yelling at you teen, getting mad and frustrated are just things that DO NOT WORK. It will only makes you exhausted and drifted further away from your teen.
- When you are angry, let them know why, reassure them it’s not them but their behavior you are mad of. Settle the issue when you are both calmer and cooled-down.
- Be honest, have ‘heart to heart’ talk with your teen. Trust me, they will respect you more when you’re not abusive but kind, considerate and in control.
- Most importantly, always be there to support them in time of needs.3
It’s never too late to change. It needs efforts from both parties. Begin with yourself. Life is short, make the most to build healthy relationship with your parents and vice versa. Enjoy the time with your family and loved ones.
|Last Reviewed||:||12 December 2012|
|Content Writer||:||Dr. Nik Rubiah bt. Nik Abdul Rashid|