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Am I Ready for a Serious Relationship?

Relationship: What first comes to your mind? Friends? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Bestfriends?

Relationship is a way two or more people are connected, or the state of being connected. The basic relationship is family relationship, friendship and casual friends.  Others are romantic or a more serious relationship.

Adolescent makes many friends in their lifetime. The best way to make friends is to be involved in activities at school or college, in community and also by initiating friendly conversations and being helpful.

What you are portrayed as in public, school or community is important. It decides what kind of people will get drawn towards you and be your circle of friends. Choose your friends wisely as your friends will have a big influence in your life

There are people whom you see every now and then, smile to, acknowledge their presence and ask of their well-being and that’s it. You may not consider them your friends and this relationship is usually easier to maintain. They are what are known as casual acquaintances.

Whom do you call friends?

Look around you. Who are your friends? What common qualities or criterias do they have?

You will realize that they are people whom you know well and with affection, trust and respect. They care for you, listen to you; respect your feelings and opinions. They will inform you in a friendly manner if they think you have made a mistake. Friends will not put  pressure on you to change, to do or agree to something you are not comfortable doing

As a guide, to be good friends you need to:

  • Be supportive

  • Be encouraging

  • Never tease or belittle your friends

  • Cooperate

  • Compromise

  • Talk openly on disagreements

  • Apologize when necessary

  • Want the best for your friend

There are some friends who last forever and you have a connection with, no matter how long you have known each other. And other friends might just drift apart. Actually when you grow, you change and so do your friends. Facts are some relationship may get deeper and some may just die off. These changes are very natural but it may not be easy for some to accept

What is a serious relationship?

A serious relationship is beyond casual acquaintance or friendship. In a serious relationship, there are feelings and emotions involved. Within a good serious relationship usually you can be yourself, be open and honest, have mutual respect and understanding.

How does it develop? From usual friendship, adolescent will find mutual attraction and comfort when spending time together. This comfort relates to enjoyment and this motivates adolescents to continue the relationship further. The relationship should be conducted with respect. Without respect, it is not a good relationship. Any kind of physical, verbal or emotion violence should not be acceptable in any relationship.

You may think that a serious relationship is equivalent to a ‘dating’ relationship where your time will be spent just with each other. Actually ‘dating’ in a group is a better option. Always inform your parents or someone about your ‘date’; who you are going with, where and when are you expected to be back. This keeps you safe.

Serious relationship does not mean you will need to have physical intimacy and sexual relationship. Venturing into intimacy and sexual activities does not prove you are an adult. Another common mistakes often made by adolescents are doing things they are not comfortable doing to prove commitment into the relationship. Eg sometimes, teen girls are coaxed into having sex with their boyfriends to prove their love. This is wrong. If your boyfriend love and respects you, they will not ask you to do this.

In a serious relationship, are you at risk?

Risk will be there if you do not ensure a good basis and direction of your relationship. Without good common understanding, you may be at risk of being forced into sexual intimacy (sexual abuse), physical abuse, sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy and other emotions that come with this eg depression.
Prevention is better than cure! So know yourself and what you want from the relationship and stick to it. If your boyfriend threatens to leave you if you don’t comply to his request, then your boyfriend and the relationship isnt worth it.

Are you ready for a serious relationship?

There are a few things to ponder.

  • In any relationship one should be responsible. As a person you have responsibility towards yourself, your parents and family, your community, your school and lastly towards your God,your religion and belief.

  • Be practical and prioritize what you need to achieve at this point in time to ensure a good future. Your priority should be your future and not the relationship.

  • Will this relationship be an obstacle to what you want to achieve.

  • Have you spoken about this relationship to your parents or a mature adult?

No one should force you to do anything you don’t want to do or decide what you need to do. Always keep yourself informed and talk to adults for guidance. You have great life ahead of you

Make new friends, but keep the old.

Those are silver, these are gold

Palo Alto medical Foundation; Sutter Health

Last Reviewed : 18 June 2015
Writer : Dr. Salmah binti Nordin
Accreditor : Dr. Hargeet Kaur a/p Basant Singh